5 Steps To Healing Money Wounds in Your 50’s

Do you feel like you have some invisible wounds when it comes to money? Just when you’re making progress on saving or paying off debts, doesn’t it always seem like an unexpected bill pops up? It might be time to start healing money wounds.

A few years ago, like many starting the new year with resolutions, I set out to tackle my debts and diligently build that recommended emergency fund. I followed all the usual strategies: tracking expenses, using budgeting envelopes, and saving a portion from each paycheck.

For about a month, I was disciplined and optimistic, believing I was finally improving my relationship with money. Things seemed to be falling into place. And then, it hit me.

The dreaded brown envelope arrived from the CRA (Canadian Revenue Agency), stating I owed them $11,000 due to an assessment error.

Instantly, I felt cold sweats and heart palpitations—I wanted to run away.

Facing that initial anxiety and visceral response can be overwhelming. Fortunately, I’ve learned tools to ease money anxiety. If you find yourself in a similar situation, consider these 5 yoga tools to ease money anxiety to find peace amidst financial stress.

Throughout my life, similar scenarios have unfolded. I managed debts well and started saving, only to have unexpected expenses like braces, tuition, or other major costs wipe out my savings.

How could this keep happening? Was it my poor money management or just bad luck?

But perhaps, it’s not about incompetence or bad luck. Maybe what I’m grappling with are unhealed money wounds.

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What Are Money Wounds?

Here’s the thing: none of us had perfect childhoods. Even with caring parents and a comfortable life, we all carry some childhood scars.

A money wound is like any other emotional wound from childhood. It forms when we link money with a traumatic or emotionally charged event. This could be a significant event like parental divorce, where money becomes a battleground, or more subtle messages like “money doesn’t grow on trees” or “you have to work hard for money.”

We might not consciously recall these experiences, but they shape our beliefs about money, affecting how we perceive and interact with it. This negative perspective can block us from embracing financial opportunities.

Healing these money wounds means recognizing these beliefs, understanding where they come from, and working to reshape our relationship with money for healthier financial habits and attitudes.

Money Scripts

In a 2011 study published in the Journal of Financial Therapy, financial psychologists Ted and Brad Klontz introduced the concept of “money scripts,” deeply ingrained beliefs that shape our financial behaviors.

Their research highlighted how our attitudes and actions towards money are shaped by these internalized scripts.

Klontz and Klontz categorized these money scripts into four main types, each representing distinct ways in which individuals perceive and interact with money:

1. Money Avoidance: Seeing money as bad or shameful, which leads to guilt about having it and avoidance of financial matters. This mindset can cause people to live frugally, avoid budgeting, and deny their financial realities.
2. Money Worship: Overemphasizing money’s importance, linking it to personal worth and happiness. Those with this script may overwork, accumulate debt, and make risky financial decisions, driven by a belief in money as a means to salvation, despite feeling there’s never enough.
3. Money Status: Connecting self-esteem and social standing to financial success. Individuals in this category may overspend to maintain appearances, hide their true financial status, and feel anxious about unmet financial goals.
4. Money Vigilance: A cautious approach to finances, prioritizing saving and budgeting out of fear of instability. While this script promotes responsible behavior, it can also lead to excessive anxiety and missed opportunities for enjoyment and personal growth.

Healing Your Money Wounds

We all know… you can’t heal what you don’t know needs to be healed.

This idea applies to healing our relationship with money too. To start healing our money wounds, we need to first acknowledge and understand what’s going on inside.

It’s about recognizing the beliefs and feelings we have about money—whether it’s guilt, fear, or the constant chase for more.

By shining a light on these thoughts and emotions, we can begin to change how we approach money. This process helps us let go of old habits that don’t help and find new ways to manage money that bring more peace and balance to our lives.

The 5 Steps to Healing Money Wounds

Step 1: Pause

When you’re anxious about money, the first step is to pause. This moment of stillness helps you step back from your emotions and gain clarity. Close your eyes and take a few slow, deep breaths to calm your nervous system and prepare to address your thoughts and feelings about money.

Step 2: Feel the Emotions

We often push away negative emotions like anxiety or fear, thinking they’re unwelcome. However, these feelings provide insights into our beliefs about money.

Instead of avoiding them, acknowledge and accept them as a natural part of being human. Notice where you feel these emotions in your body, like tightness in your chest or a knot in your stomach.

Recognizing and allowing these feelings helps you process them better, knowing they are temporary and will pass.

Step 3: Identify the thoughts

After acknowledging your emotions, identify the thoughts that triggered them. Our thoughts greatly influence our feelings and behaviors around money.

Observe your thoughts without judgment, noting any recurring patterns or negative self-talk about scarcity or guilt.

This awareness helps you understand the root causes of your emotional responses.

Step 4: Reprogram your thoughts

After identifying your thoughts, challenge and reframe them to build positive beliefs about money.

Replace thoughts like “I’ll never be good with money” with “I am learning to manage my finances wisely.”

Find affirmations that align with your financial goals, write them down, and repeat them regularly to reinforce positive habits.

Step 5: Validate with examples

To solidify your new beliefs about money, find real-life examples of people who embody the qualities you aspire to.

Look for financially responsible and successful individuals you admire or know personally.

For example, if you’re reprogramming the belief that “good people don’t desire more money,” consider successful, ethical individuals.

This reinforces that financial security and integrity can coexist.

Conclusion

We all deserve safety, comfort, and fulfillment, and money is a tool to meet these needs.

Remember, money is neutral and only carries the meaning we give it. By changing our perception, we can transform our relationship with money.

Healing money wounds starts with self-understanding and compassion. Recognize your emotions and beliefs about money, understand their origins, and how they affect your decisions.

Being mindful of these feelings helps you challenge and change negative thoughts. Look to positive role models with healthy financial habits for inspiration.

As you heal, practice self-kindness during setbacks and celebrate even small victories.

Question: Are you ready to start healing those money wounds and live a life of peace and financial well-being?

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