How to Love Yourself by Understanding the Vices of the Mind
I’ve been thinking a lot about the ways my mind can trick me. Sometimes it feels like no matter how much yoga I do or how many times I sit in meditation, the same patterns keep popping up. Over the years, especially as I crossed into my 50s, I’ve noticed the mind doesn’t exactly get quieter on its own. If anything, life experience gives it even more material to chew on.
In yoga philosophy, these patterns are sometimes called the Arishadvarga, the vices or impurities of the mind. They aren’t meant to shame us. Instead, they give us language for the very human ways we get stuck. When I learned about them, it made more sense that these are the conditions of the mind that brings me suffering.
Seeing these vices clearly has taught me something important about how to love yourself. We are not pretending your flaws don’t exist. Instead, noticing them with kindness and working with them instead of against them.
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1. Kama: Desire or Lust
This one is usually explained as sexual desire, but in my daily life it feels more like constant wanting. Wanting a new outfit, wanting more time, wanting my blog to grow faster. It’s that restless itch of “if only I had this, then I’d feel better.”
When I was younger, I thought I would be satisfied once I hit certain milestones: the house, the degree, the family, the career. But even now, I catch myself scrolling online, thinking a new sweater will solve my low mood.
What helps: Pausing to ask, “Do I really need this, or am I trying to soothe something inside?” Usually a cup of tea and some quiet does more for me than hitting “add to cart.” I remind myself that emotional healing doesn’t always come from consumption. Sometimes, it starts with stillness.
2. Krodha: Anger
I used to say I wasn’t an angry person. But if you had seen me last week when my computer froze right before a deadline, you might disagree. For me, anger shows up in small, sharp bursts. It’s not screaming or throwing things. It’s irritation, snappiness, or that tight jaw feeling.
I notice it most when I feel out of control such as traffic jams, technical glitches, or someone making me wait. Daily meditation has helped me soften those moments by creating space before I react.
What helps: A deep exhale. Literally breathing out the frustration before I say something I regret. Yoga has taught me that anger burns hot and fast, but it doesn’t have to burn me or the people I love. Self-love here is choosing patience for myself when I mess up, not expecting perfection.
3. Lobha: Greed
This one makes me think of money. I grew up hearing stories about people losing fortunes, and it planted a deep fear of not having enough. Sometimes I catch myself wanting to hoard money or opportunities. Even when I have enough, the voice in my head whispers, “What if it runs out?”
That’s greed at work — not necessarily wanting more mansions or cars, but grasping onto what I have with tight fists.
What helps: remembering generosity feels better than clutching. Whether it’s donating to a cause or choosing a money mindset rooted in trust.
4. Moha: Delusion or Attachment
Moha is the fog of believing our thoughts are the absolute truth. For me, it often shows up as clinging to a specific outcome. Like how I imagined selling my clinic would go smoothly and quickly. When it didn’t, I spiraled into “What did I do wrong?” and “Why isn’t this working?”
That mental grip created suffering. The truth is, life rarely follows a straight line.
What helps? Finding a deeper sense of purpose. One that isn’t tied to external results. When I focus on meaning instead of control, I can hold my plans more lightly and trust that the process is still unfolding in my favor.
5. Mada: Pride or Arrogance
This one is sneaky. I like to think of myself as grounded, but pride often disguises itself as comparison. When I see another woman’s blog growing faster than mine, I catch myself thinking, “Well, my writing is more heartfelt.” That quiet judgment isn’t confidence. It’s insecurity wearing a crown.
What helps is shifting my focus from comparison to connection. Practicing self-care that honors my season of life reminds me that I’m not behind. I’m on my own path, moving at my own pace.
Loving yourself here means noticing when comparison creeps in and gently choosing to root back into your own growth.
6. Matsarya: Jealousy
This one is closely linked with pride. Jealousy is that little sting when someone else has what you want. I feel it when I see women traveling with ease while I’m still tied to my clinic, or when a friend gets financial freedom sooner than me.
The cure? Gratitude. Journaling what I already love about my life pulls me back to what’s real and reminds me there’s room for everyone’s joy.
7. Raga: Attachment to Pleasure
This one shows up in small, everyday ways. My morning coffee, for example. I love it, and I don’t like starting my day without it. That sounds harmless, but I notice how dependent I feel when I don’t get it.
Raga is that clinging to things we enjoy, food, comfort, routines, as if we can’t be okay without them.
What helps: Sometimes I do a gentle reset. Switching routines or skipping a comfort habit , just to remind myself I’m okay without clinging.
8. Dvesha: Aversion or Hatred
This is the flip side of raga. Instead of clinging, it’s pushing away. I feel it when I avoid difficult conversations, or when I dread certain chores and let them pile up. On a deeper level, it’s when I reject parts of myself I don’t like — my impatience, my fears.
What helps: Now, I try to face discomfort head-on. Living yoga beyond the mat means welcoming every part of my experience. Even the messy bits.
Why This Matters After 50
At this stage of life, I thought I’d have it all figured out. But what I’ve realized is that these vices don’t disappear with age . They just shift.
Lust becomes a craving for safety. Pride becomes comparison with younger women. Jealousy shows up around freedom, not fashion.
The good news? Awareness is freedom.
Instead of feeling ashamed of these feelings, I’ve learned to hold them with care. That’s real self-love.
It’s not perfection. It’s presence.
And that’s the lesson at the heart of this journey: transforming your life with gentle, soul-rooted habits starts by loving the parts of you you used to resist.
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